Love's Keen Sting
by Diablolita
Summary: The series through the perspective of Lavender Brown, with emphasis on the difficulties of dealing with her unrequited feelings for Hermione Granger. Follows canon closely, just with a different take.
1. Freak

It was at ten years old that Lavender Brown discovered that there was something deeply, deeply wrong with her.

When she was still in primary, Lavender went to a Muggle school. This was considered quite unorthodox for a pureblood, but her parents had told her that they didn't want Lavender growing up with "blood prejudices." (In actuality, it was more of a PR move to save face. Lavender's father was caught making jokes with anti-Muggle sentiments at work, and while Muggles were far from popular in the mainstream, it was still considered in poor taste.)

The trouble all started with a girl named Sagal. She was in Lavender's arithmetic class, and Lavender almost failed maths that year. Everyone told her that she shouldn't beat herself up about it, that girls were naturally less inclined towards mathematics and science. She had no idea what that meant, but was glad they didn't blame her for her lack of success. Truthfully, she failed because of Sagal.

Sagal had dark skin and big, white teeth that made Lavender feel as if she were looking into the sun. Whenever she laughed, her large curly hair would shake and her cheeks would absolutely glow. Lavender had never seen anything so beautiful. She couldn't help but spend every second of the class staring at her. Sagal would catch her constantly; and each time, Lavender's face would blush pink and her eyes would dart elsewhere. But she couldn't resist going back to look at her. When you've just discovered what heaven looks like, how are you supposed to focus on silly things like multiplications?

But the staring had other consequences. All her classmates would call her _weird_, _psycho_, and other words that she hadn't heard before. There was also no shortage of physical abuse as well, and Lavender became more than accustomed to getting thrown out of the lunch line and her hair pulled if she did anything besides go to the back and wait again. There was one particularly nasty incident when Lavender attempted to play a game with a group of girls, and they pushed her to the ground and kicked her in her ribs. It hurt her stomach so badly she thought she might vomit, and when she looked up, she saw Sagal staring at her, her large eyes even then making heat rise to Lavender's cheeks. Lavender had reached out to her, hoping she might help her up, maybe tell the other girls to leave her alone. But Sagal just walked away. After that, Lavender hid in the bathroom every day during play hours.

Lavender didn't understand why it was so strange finding girls beautiful, why it brought her such pain. Didn't all girls appreciate beauty? Isn't that what her mother talked to her about every night?

_"Lavender, you are a beautiful girl. You're very lucky; a lot of girls aren't as pretty as you are. Never forget the importance of being put together, darling."_ And she never did. She always had bows in her hair or rouge on her cheeks. So why did the girls hate her? Why did they call her names?

Why didn't Sagal want to be her friend?

The next year, she received her letter from Hogwarts. She had been looking forward to it for quite some time, as her parents told her of this day since she barely knew what being a witch even meant. Her fingers actually shook with joy as she opened the letter. Surely, in Hogwarts, she wouldn't be weird. She was just magic. And when she went to a magical school, everyone would be just like her.

She was wrong.

That day she walked into the train, in her pretty new pink dress and matching shoes, she bumped into a slight girl with short, dark hair. This girl was Pansy Parkinson, a Slytherin down to the bone, but to Lavender she was just a stranger who, in her opinion, had an interesting face. Staring at her for longer than was appropriate, Lavender was about to tell her just that, before she received a hard shove from the girl.

Pansy's lip curled as she said, "What are you staring at, freak?"

The push had caused Lavender to stumble backwards into a boy's lap. He instantly bucked her off and made a noise of disgust as he did so. Tears burned Lavender's eyes and flooded her vision as she ran to the back of the train, leaving the sounds of cruel laughter behind her. She sat there alone the entire ride.

From that moment, she vowed to never stare at a girl again. She would have friends here if it killed her. And she did it. She managed to get a friend her very first year. Her! A friend! She thought she might collapse of happiness. Parvati Patil. She was the first person at Hogwarts who was ever nice to Lavender, and the two quickly became inseparable. Lavender thought Parvati had wonderful skin and glorious hair, and Parvati would let her touch it all she wanted. Lavender couldn't believe her luck. She would practice different braids on Parvati and became quite skilled at the art. Soon, more girls had Lavender do their hair. She now had more friends than she could count, and she woke up every morning smiling because nobody called her strange anymore. She just braided hair and giggled and gossiped and touched Parvati's skin whenever she allowed it. Nothing could spoil this. Nothing.

By the end of first year, of course she knew all about Hermione Granger, and not just because they were dorm-mates. (In fact, she hardly gleaned any information at all from Hermione herself despite their shared quarters, as Hermione seemed to prefer books over most people.) But everyone was always talking about Harry Potter, and consequently, his two friends that seemed to always hang about him. Lavender didn't really care about Harry Potter. Her parents had told her that he hadn't actually done anything the day You Know Who attacked his family; it was all just a fluke. So Lavender never paid much attention to him or his friends. And besides, she couldn't braid Hermione's hair even if she wanted to. It was a bushy mess, and people said she was an annoying know-it-all. Hermione didn't even _try _to get along with the other girls, and it was difficult for Lavender not to resent her for it. Not everyone had the luxury of being so blasé about making friends.

But then there was the news that she was attacked by a troll. Lavender couldn't believe it. How could someone defeat a troll? They were huge! Big as houses! But, quite incredibly, Hermione and her friends had done it. She looked at Hermione differently from then on. Here was a girl who was really brave. People said Gryffindors were born courageous and bold, but Lavender didn't feel like either of those things. Truthfully, she thought she might do better in Hufflepuff. Lavender was ashamed of the fact that she felt rather weak most of the time, always on guard for an unkind word or a sharp smack if she was ever caught doing the socially unacceptable activity of being herself.

But Hermione wasn't ever afraid or ashamed; she was a true Gryffindor. Lavender always respected her from that point. And, almost begrudgingly, she noticed what a nice shade of brown her eyes were.

* * *

Author's note: So I made some changes after reading that Hermione and Lavender were actually roommates, and want my fic to be as close to canon as I can get it. The first chapter is kind of slow but I PROMISE it will pick up, it's just that Lavender is a super super background character in the first few books and I really wanted this chapter to set up Lavender's backstory to give perspective on why she is the way she is. Thanks for reading and for your patience! xoxo


	2. The Hook and the Eye

Lavender couldn't wait to get on that train.

Not to suggest she had as terrible a time at home as she had years past; this past summer was unquestionably better than all of her previous ones combined. Her and Parvati kept in near constant communication with each other, sending owls to gush about how excited they were for next year and what new classes they'd take and did you hear that Gilderoy Lockhart will be teaching? Yes, really!

But it was still lonely. She was forced to spend a lot of time with her extended family, and of which, she only got along with her grandmother, Marilyn. She always had a special smile just for Lavender and would sneak her lollies since Lavender's mother didn't allow her sugary treats for fear she might gain weight.

"_But Mum," she'd pout, "I only want one! And my cheeks are much less chubby this year." _

"_And don't you want to keep it that way, love?" her mother would reply before spinning back around and returning to whatever it was adults were always so busy doing. Lavender would stomp her foot and turn red in the face until Marilyn would catch her eye and then wink at her. Then Lavender would go back to normal, knowing that as soon as her mother wasn't around, her gran would sit her down, give her a sweet, and tell her funny stories until her mouth was too sticky with sugar to laugh. _

"Lavender!" her mother called out. "Slow down, you'll make me break a heel."

Lavender forced herself to brake from the near dead run she had adopted. She turned around to look at her mother, huffing to catch up with her, and smiled. She was too excited to be annoyed by their slow pace. Her mother reached her at last; she was a very well-shaped woman named Jennifer, with polished clothes and sleek blonde hair. Lavender always hoped she would look just like her when she got older.

"Sorry, Mum," she said, still grinning. Her mother sighed and smiled sadly down at her.

"Are you in such a hurry to leave me?" she asked. Lavender's smile dropped and she quickly hugged Jennifer around the waist.

"No! I just miss my friends 's all," she replied, her words muffled by her mother's skirt. She peered around to see her father, Michael Brown, arrive while talking to a young brunette woman baring more than a bit of cleavage and long, toned legs.

"Who's that talking to Daddy?" asked Lavender, looking back up at her mother.

Jennifer glanced briefly in the direction Lavender gestured to, and then tucked a nonexistent stray hair back into her already perfectly made bun. "That's Daddy's assistant, sweetheart. He's a very busy man. He needs the help."

Lavender eyed the mysterious woman. She had never seen her before. "She's very sexy."

Lavender had learned the word "sexy" earlier in the summer from a Muggle magazine, much to Jennifer's chagrin. She liked the way it sounded on her tongue, dangerous and grown-up and bold: s-e-x-y.

Her mother's mouth turned into an angry line. "Don't call other women sexy, Lavender."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not appropriate!" Jennifer closed her eyes and took a deep breath, collecting herself. These outbursts were not uncommon; Lavender's father had told her that sometimes her mother just gets overwhelmed and we need to be extra, extra patient with her. Lavender would always hold her breath when she got like this; scared that the sound of her breathing might make it worse.

"Michael!" Jennifer screeched over her shoulder. Lavender's father reacted instantly, leaning away from his assistant's ear which he was just whispering into. The awkward group started walking a bit more solemnly towards the train again.

But by the time she was close enough to read Hogwarts Express on the side, Lavender was literally bouncing with joy. The air thrummed with energy at the sounds of children leaving their parents behind, goodbyes filled with laughter and tears. Her parents quickly settled her bags for her, and she kissed them both on the cheek as she said farewell.

"Good luck, Lavender! Nice meeting you," Michael's assistant said to her before she boarded. Lavender just looked at her and got on. For some reason, she did not like her one bit.

She walked through the narrow rows, searching for her best friend Parvati Patil or maybe Fay Dunbar. The first person she saw, however, was Hermione Granger.

She was sitting alone in a booth, nose buried in a book. Her bushy hair had not improved over the summer, but it seemed to suit her, in an odd way. Lavender looked up and saw Parvati whipping out of sight through the window in the car just one section down, but Parvati had not seen her. So, Lavender made an executive decision.

She slid into the seat across from Hermione, smiling brightly. Hermione did not look up.

"Hello!" Lavender greeted. "Good to see you again!"

Hermione glanced up at her. "Oh, yes. Hello, Lavender."

There was a small pause. Lavender hated pauses in conversation; they made her skin crawl.

"Did you have a nice summer?" she asked. Hermione didn't raise her eyes from her book.

"Mm-hm."

Lavender bit her lip, tried again.

"Where are Harry and Ron?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Who _knows _what those two are up to. They never have their heads on straight."

But even as she said this, Lavender noted Hermione smile down at her book at the mention of the two boys. Lavender smiled as well, glad that Hermione had obviously made such grand friends.

"What's that you're reading?" Lavender asked, taking advantage of getting more than a few words out of her.

"_A Tale of Two Cities,_" Hermione replied. "You probably haven't heard of it. It's a Muggle book, by Charles Dickens."

The name sounded a bit familiar to Lavender, so she strode ahead.

"Oh, right, Dickens! Yes, I know him."

Hermione's eyebrows raised almost to her hairline and she looked at Lavender piercingly.

"Is that so?"

Lavender squirmed a bit in her seat. "So do you like it?" she asked, desperate to take the heat off her.

Hermione's mouth squished to one side as if she were deeply considering this question. "It's a bit whimsical for my tastes, but not bad for light entertainment."

"Yeah," Lavender responded dumbly. There was another stretch of silence and sweat beaded on Lavender's temple. "Gosh, I love reading."

"Really?" said Hermione, sounding more than a bit incredulous. "Fiction or non-fiction? Any genre in particular? Any favorite authors?"

A bit overwhelmed, Lavender blurted, "Oh, you know, I love reading magazines. I think Witch Weekly is my favorite, I love their advice columns. They're so funny."

Hermione smiled without actually smiling, a look Lavender received from her father any time she irritated him by talking too much. It actually happened quite a lot, as it were. Shame made Lavender's ears turn pink and her heart thudded in her chest. It was suddenly and inexplicably important to her that Hermione not think of her as stupid.

"Actually," she quickly added, trying to redeem herself, "I quite like poetry as well. I remember memorizing this one for class, and I thought it was really, really lovely. It went: 'You fit into me like a hook into an eye, a fish hook, an open eye.'"

Hermione observed her strangely. "That's a bit morbid."

Lavender furrowed her brow. "But it's good. It's lovely because, um, even though it hurts, it still fits, right? A hook and an eye fit together, and the hook is stuck there, so it won't leave. It hurts the eye but they'll still…be together, yeah? And that's good?"

Hermione seemed to consider this for a moment, and then a hint of a small smile played on her lips. It wasn't patronizing this time. "Yes," she conceded, "I suppose that is a good one. I hadn't heard it before."

Lavender beamed. She smiled so broadly it hurt her cheeks.

"Lavender!" Parvati called from down the row. "There you are, I've been looking for you!"

Lavender rushed to meet her friend and embraced her. She inhaled the now familiar cinnamon smell of her hair, and she felt a bit guilty that she had chosen to talk to Hermione before Parvati.

"I've missed you!" she cried, already feeling as if they had never parted.

"Me too! Come on," said Parvati, pulling Lavender along. "Fay and Luca have already got us a spot."

"Oh," Lavender looked back at Hermione, who had already returned to her book. "Hermione, would you like to join us? We're all sitting back here."

She barely glanced up before saying, "I'm good here, actually. Thanks."

Lavender let Parvati hook arms with her to lead her away and was again perplexed as to why anyone would ever choose to be alone.

* * *

Lavender hadn't thought much of it when she found the diary in the corner of the Gryffindor common room.

She was disappointed, in fact, since she had hoped it would be filled with secrets of one of the girls here. Lavender loved secrets; well, she loved knowing others' and then deciding who else would share in the bounty. Lavender hid nothing from Parvati, of course. Anytime she learned about someone's crush or who was mad at who she would race to her, bursting with the knowledge that would ensure them at least an afternoon's worth of good fun. Sometimes they would share it with all the other girls, but they usually only told it to one or two people, just to keep the fun of exclusivity going.

But the diary was blank. And it wasn't even pretty. She took it anyway, even though she didn't quite know why. When she got back to her dormitory, she opened it and did what she always did with new parchments: she drew a heart. But then, she watched it disappear, and words formed.

_Who is this? _

Lavender was stunned. She brought her quill to the page again.

_Lavender Brown. Who are you? _

Her words faded. She stared at the diary, her face scrunched together in confusion.

_My name is Tom Riddle. How did you come across my diary? _

Lavender chewed on her lip. This whole thing was beginning to feel ominous.

_I found it. _

Nothing happened for a while. She thought maybe the little trick was over.

_This does not belong to you. Return it. Now. _

Lavender heard ringing in her ears that physically pained her. She gasped aloud and shut the diary quickly. The ringing stopped as soon as she did.

She threw the diary to the ground and got under the covers of her bed, trembling. After a while though, she realized she didn't want the thing around her any longer than it had to be. She picked it up with shaking fingers, and went back out into the common room.

She debated giving it to a professor, or even Dumbledore himself. Surely this diary was a Very Bad Thing, something a grown-up should handle. But before she could formulate a full plan, she noticed a small, redheaded girl frantically tearing up the room.

Lavender recognized her as the youngest Weasley, and she made the easy deduction that the item she was searching for was the diary.

"It's Ginny, isn't it?" Lavender squeaked. The girl's head whipped around and glared at her, eyes falling to the book in her hands.

"That's mine," she said nastily. "Give it back."

Lavender didn't move. "I think we should give this to the Headmaster. It feels…I don't know. You shouldn't have this."

Ginny crossed the room and tore the book from her fingers. A couple of other students looked up and started to take notice of the two girls and their bizarre exchange.

"Don't take things that don't belong to you, you – you…cow!"

Ginny strode out of the room, leaving Lavender with her mouth hanging open. A couple boys in the room laughed and meowed. "Catfight!" Lavender's cheek burned and she returned to her dormitory, tears stinging her eyes, and wished she could forget the entire ordeal.

She still hadn't left the room by the time Parvati, Fay, Luca and Hermione came in to go to bed, as she was still fairly traumatized. She felt a weight on the end of her bed and looked up to see Parvati staring curiously at her.

"Where've you been all night?" asked Parvati. "I've been wanting to tell you, earlier I saw McGonagall talking to Professor Lockhart, and I swear I saw him whisper in her ear! They've definitely got something going on. Which is weird because I've always read he liked younger women."

"I've been feeling ill," Lavender muttered. Hermione scoffed from the next bed over, and everyone turned to look at her.

"What?" said Lavender.

"Maybe you just tired yourself out yelling at first-years, Lavender," Hermione responded hotly. Lavender's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to comprehend her words.

"What are you talking about?" said Luca, tying her red hair in a ponytail.

Hermione huffed as she drew a blanket around herself. "Now, _I'm _not one to gossip," she said, her inflection making it clear she meant to be accusing, "but I heard that you screamed at Ginny over some misunderstanding and called her an ugly, freckled cow." She crossed her arms. "That's really not funny, Lavender."

"I did no such thing!" cried Lavender, offended.

"Lav would never say that," Parvati said, quick to defend her friend.

"So Ginny just lied to me for no reason, then?" Hermione replied, her eyebrow arched. "That's likely."

Lavender sat up straight and glowered at Hermione. She saw Parvati mirror her expression out of the corner of her eye.

"Just because Ginny's the only friend you've got who's not a boy doesn't mean she's perfect!" Lavender felt angry tears coming. "She was mean to _me_, not the other way around! And I am not a liar."

The two girls held each other's gazes, equally furious. Fay groaned loudly.

"Would you all shut up?" she whined. "I've got to get up early to practice Quidditch!"

"You're not even on the team, Fay," said Parvati, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, and I won't ever be if I don't practice, will I?"

"Guys, come on," Luca's light voice chimed in. "No reason to get so worked up. We'll talk it all through in the morning."

"I don't want to talk to her," Hermione snapped.

"I don't either," said Lavender, tone equally petulant.

Parvati pursed her lips and got off Lavender's bed, a clear sign to resign the fight for now. Lavender rolled over and shut her eyes tightly, trying to will away this strange anger that she was not used to.

She went to sleep thinking that something very bad was going to happen soon.


End file.
